The death of.. me: An Epilogue

Life sucks so badly. I have to say that again. Seriously.

SO now people would be asking why I'm saying all those morbid stuff on my previous post. Well, for those who really do read my blog, and those who really DID ask why, which I'm not that certain of.

It's complicated. If I ever were to say it here, it would have either been an essay stating the simplest thing that I'm mad about and you saying i'm a fool, or an essay worth 1500-2000 words, which I have not the patience to write out. (Not to forget the expensive broadband expenses that I have to pay for blindly.)

So I have decided not to say anything.

I'm full of emotions. Mixed emotions, that is. Like I said, it's complicated. I feel like strangling someone. I feel like stabbing a knife on someone's chest, or slicing someone's throat. Somehow, I can't do that. What I want to do is to go somewhere, somewhere high or wide (you guessed it, a hilltop or the sea). I want to scream my lungs out. Ironically, someone had just left for PD, a beach. A beach long ago a famous tourist spot, now, a filthy trashing spot. I have not an intention at all to go there. Only fools and idiots go there to have fun. (Anybody who writes a comment about this is not my problem. I intended this, and it's a true fact.)

I cried again after putting up that post. So that makes the 4th time. Today, I wasn't that angry anymore, but instead, my mind was spinning around, my heart rushing and stopping constantly, my body physically weak and strengthless. I hate that feeling. I never feel 'normal'. This time, it's all because of someone. Not love. It's friendship. I've never ever done that IN MY WHOLE LIFE, not until I've met this person. It's absolute rubbish. What guy would do that?? I feel like a complete idiot. FOR A FRIEND?!?! Gosh. Stop it. It's not worth the effort, nor my tears shed like raindrops on leaves. A friend who is true to you wouldn't let you cry. Nobody does. Why this one, the only exception?

Now I know how it feels to break up with your love. The feeling is exactly like this. Now i understand how it hurts to be 'dumped', leaving him/her crying the whole day, leaving the 'dumped' clueless on why this had to happen.

You know who you are. I've decided this has to end. Friends mean a lot to me, practically the whole world to me. If you don't know how bad this feels, then too bad. Because of that someone you're dating, you delibrately turned me down, leaving me down and under for 2 days, and this may not end so easily, maybe stretching up to a year. You have never thought how I felt when you said those words in front of me. I tried to understand, but the more I thought of it, the more it didn't make sense. You've ended a beautiful friendship. Your promises are broken, and see what is happening. I THANK YOU for what you have done. I really appreciate everything you have done.

Think about it. A 'YES' can cause such a disasterous consequence.

Thank you.