Tales from foreign lands

Have you ever had that feeling that when you're somewhere away from home, at first, it gives you that sudden rush of adrenaline, so eager to explore this fascinating place, some time later, you'd feel as though you're so far from home after a bit of exploring, and everything just seems to stop, just like scenes from music videos or movies, that you just stand there and everything that evolves around you seems blurred terribly??

I'm not unhappy. Just that this place is starting to feel estranged to me, for some reason. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's the fact that I don't really have many close friends (I'm not that good in socialising). Maybe it's because I'm alone in the room, and this had been for 2 days. Maybe it's the assignment that I'm on now, which makes no sense to me, which is making me feel dumb here.

Yesterday, we're supposed to go out for a fireworks display with some of my friends. I was really disappointed at myself for not going, because I turned them down on the last minute, as I was lazy and wasn't in the mood of going anywhere this weekend. So instead, I locked myself out from the whole world, and stayed in my room. I'm so foolish. I should have gone. During the time when I was in my room the whole of last night, my mind rushed through memories and scenes of my homeland, which made me so homesick that I had the urge to go back at that very instant. I was glad my best friend called me to talk for about 2+ hours. Thank God for telecommunications, and a good thing called 'stop-the-clock'.

I'm supposed to go over to my best friend's place today. I deeply regret that I didn't go. I woke up late, missing the first bus that came over to the university. I really needed some time off, just to put myself together again, to find my normal self again. It's already about 1pm now, and it's impossible to go now, cuz I personally don't like to spend so much on the fares, and come back so soon without spending more time at that destination. Furthurmore, I didn't like the fact that I'm gonna be going there by myself. This isn't me. I used to do things myself in Malaysia, why not here? This doesn't sound like me.

Well, maybe it's because I'm in a foreign land now. I am a foreigner now. Not a local anymore. I want to go back so badly now. But I want to grow up at the same time. I don't wanna rely on my family all the time. I'm a youth already. Not a baby, child or a teen. I miss those days.

Hope everything will shine brightly later. I'm still in the midst of a really dark tunnel. I need to run to the other end as soon as possible. Then, I'd be free...