Heartbroken

It's sorta hard to adapt to a new environment after so many years of living in a place you already call home. And now, you're already trying to live your life in a new place, that maybe one day, you can call your home.

Three months have passed, and things are not going very well. The weather is getting onto me; I'm getting colds that I loathe so much. Studies are going fine, except that whenever I plan to do something productive, it never happens, because I just don't have the motivation to do it anymore. Friends - oh, friends - are not difficult to find, but it's really tough to find close friends you can really talk to about every single thing.

And now, my heart's broken. How about that.

At least the thorn wasn't pricked in too deep, and it just left a small wound that's going to heal in a matter of days.


I shall just stay off this addiction. I need Addictions Anonymous.

A poem to share

I just found this in my notes, trying to remember why I wrote this. Of course, I know now the reason, but I still don't understand how on earth I was able to write stuff like this. 

Goodness. 

Here goes:

I thread on yonder grounds

So gentle, so pure.

Thy brook swollen, bound

To my broken heart

A silent tree, stands

Humble on the plain

I watched as it bends

And laughs

In the distance lays

Stretches of dark hills

Paste against lighted rays

Yet, rotting in the dark

The bough breaks 

From yonder willow 

Beneath the dark wind

Doth blow

The sun shall

Not rise to glory

Whilst I witness all

Crumble before me

I lay on yonder grounds

So soft, so pure

Thy heart swells, but

None of me

Let me know what you think of it in the comments. =)

Interlude

Maybe I need to learn how to not care.

Maybe I need to learn how to be brave.

Maybe I need to learn how to make myself happy first.

Maybe I need to learn how to look into the future for what's right for me, and not otherwise.

Maybe I need to learn how to take care of myself, and not get into any trouble at the wrong times.

Maybe I need to learn how to play the field, and be good for who I am.

Maybe I need to learn how to be happy.

Maybe I need to...

GROW UP.

My new blogger app!

Just got the blogger app on my phone. A bit too late to do that, but better than never.

I guess even if I finally wanna blog about something, it'll be easier now.

Let's hope that is so. ^.^

Breathe the fresh air

Another hectic semester.

An experience that broke me down into tears and heart-wrenching pain.

A time of doubts, questions and hypotheses.

A reality of broken dreams and impossible hope.

A new life to live.

A dream to fulfill, a passion to excel.


To cut a long story short: I'm human. Yet again.

Is that the finish line?

Finally... A bReAtHeR!

A breath of fresh air is all I need right now. So much on my mind, so much going on, so much that I needs to be attended to.

Yes, it definitely was stressful and tiring!

Now, I've just got to patch up fragments of myself, iron myself neat and tidy, fuel myself to the brim - and I guess I'll be good to go. =D

Frankly speaking, there are definitely quite a lot of good things that came my way since my last post here. There isn't much need for me to state all of them here.. But let's just say, they've helped me to grow indefinitely, for the better.

It's really nice to have something to hold on to, in spite of all the downturns that you've gone through, to cheer yourself up and remind yourself that no matter how bad your life is, there is bound to be something on this (insert negative adjective here) earth that matters to you. May it be something or someone you care about. May it be a circumstance that made you happy. Or may it be something that you love to do.

For sure, I've kinda hit jackpot.

With lots of hard work and determination, together with cheers of encouragement from crowd and the cheerleaders, this should mean a victorious finish, hands held high.

Great way of expressing victory and freedom. [Taken from here]

The Year of the Wabbit

Chinese New Year, again.

Cool angle. Don't play play. =P

That will only mean one thing. I'm growing older. Another year older. (Of course I already know this when the new year came, but you know how things go with the Chinese birth calculations. *rolls eyes*)


I was just reading my friend's blog, and it reminded me of how much I dread this time of year. The 2 hour (or so) ride to my mother's hometown, practically no access to technology called "Internet" and its counterparts, increased heatwave during the time of the year... What else have I not mentioned?

But thinking back of the times when I wasn't around with them, this is merely nothing. It's really the time for the family to reunite. The warmth of familiar smiling faces, the pure joys of hearing their laughter, the delights of spending time together at the round table - were the things that I never had for three years.

I should leave aside the fact that there will be no internet for 2 days. I shall put away my fear of the heat. I will endure the long journey back to decivilization.

[It's just 2 days. It has been raining like mad these past few days. Obviously I can't change the time it takes to travel. What else is there to be worried about?]

PS: Wow.. It was just 3 posts ago that I wrote about the Tiger Year? You've gotta be kidding me...

Happy (not really) 2011!

It really has been a while, right?

Yes, I know... I've been pestered to write SOMETHING, even though I've got nothing to write about, let alone not even have the time to write. But conscience tells me I shouldn't leave my blog untouched. It just so happens that I suddenly have the urge to write.

I know I make it a point not to purge my feelings and not to pour my heart out here. So I'll do it my way, like I've always been doing.

[Note: It's getting irritating to type here. So long of not writing any posts, so much has changed in Blogger. This stupid window doesn't allow me to press Enter to get to the next line. Instead, I just experimented, the arrow keys bring me to the next line. Nonsensical.]

You know, the Earth has changed in so many ways. Just the other day, knowing me, the one who doesn't listen to news and read the papers, my friends informed me that the overall temperature will rise by 4 degrees Celsius. Imagine how hot it'll get. And, I heard on the radio that they even found a new horoscope, Ophiuchus, the serpent holder.

Ophiuchus

[Note: Ooohh... I finally can type using the Enter button. Yay!]

 

As I was saying, the Earth is changing in unthinkable ways. And so is my life. And I blame it on the new Zodiac.

Watch out, Ophiucians (however you spell that). I'm blaming you. You ruined my life. In. So. Many. Ways.

Trip down to the land under..

.. well, not quite. Just more like the land under the peninsular: Singapore.

A friend and I decided to join this piano festival thing since April, and have been working quite hard on a duet piece. After some pushing, and toiling, and some highs and lows, we managed to confirm our flights and details in time for the event.

Initially, I told myself that I should be in Singapore to attend the festival, and there's all to the whole trip. Who knew. Singapore is having their Mid-year Sales. School's off for the week (or so I know since I came here). So many attractions to see, so many things to do.

Furthermore, Tower Records is obsolete in Kuala Lumpur, and most likely the whole of Malaysia. The only place that offers original classical CD recordings is Rock Corner. And the selection. Pft. Hence a trip to HMV is a must when I get to Singapore.

And when we got here for the festival, the organizers, Music Essential (a music shop), is having a big-ass sale for their score collections. Definitely what you can't find in Malaysia, and by that I mean, the city I grew up in, Kuala Lumpur.

So, instead of spending time at the Yong Siew Toh Conservatory (NUS), I ended up spending time at Orchard Road, food stores and concerts other than the festival's; and spending money on CDs, scores and food.

CDs - S$ 93
Scores - S$ 237 (over a span of 10 books)
A pair of Esprit jeans - S$ 40
A shopping spree of a lifetime - priceless

Oh, and one more thing. The hard work I mentioned before did pay off. Our duet was one of the 76 participants who got a Gold ('twas second to best: first was Platinum) award for our performance.

Hooray for us!

Note: Writing this at the airport at 5.50 in the morning without any decent sleep, waiting for the flight, which stupidly was re-timed (rescheduled) from 6.25am to 8am. What a waste of my precious time when I could have just stayed in my room to sleep till early morning and rushed over to the airport. Woe is me.

Happy (stinking) "Chinese" New Year!

It is the year of the tiger...

Isn't it ironic? Life IS ironic.

First, to clear off controversies just from the title alone.

• It's "stinking" because instead of having fun of the festivities, all I get is boredom and time-wasting from all the holidays we get.
• It's "Chinese" because, frankly, it's not really Chinese. To be precise, it's the new lunar calendar year. So why do we call it "Chinese"? That's just plain racist.
  

So anyway, I've been bored my pants off. That's the consequence of going off, away from civilisation, and away from technology and my hobbies. It's just sad. Now, seeing that most of my friends are not around YET from their balik kampung-ing, I'm still having the "time of my life" (ie, even if I'm back in civilisation).

After 3 years of not spending the new year around with my family, I initially got really excited about it. The thought of having really good food, being around family and relatives, fireworks and firecrackers popping everywhere, and not to forget, red packets (the best part of the new year XD).

That was soooooo last year.

I realised the new year mood has totally declined, seeing that there isn't much decorations around town, not much hype going on, the city is still the same colour (so to say).

I don't feel it anymore.

To add on, I didn't get as many red packets as I used to when I was a young lad.

BAH, Humbug.

TNB... a company full of SH*T.

The people from TNB just dropped by.

I kinda got influenced by the following Youtube video I watched a few days ago, which was posted on my Facebook page then. Gave me a really bad impression of them since then. It's just my luck to see them come in my house today.


So... They said they needed to check out electric meter, to see whether it is working efficiently or not. I don't doubt that it is their duty. I would understand that if I were an electricity company CEO or Manager, I'd be concern at why the figures just don't seem right.

But it is absolutely WRONG to charge in our premises without letting us know beforehand, tell us that they need to check our meter, and have to change our meter due to inefficiency. OH, did I mention they let us see a LETTER 'written' by TNB themselves, stating that "there will be checks performed by our technicians during 1st Nov to 30th Nov".

Hey, you don't show that letter to us WHEN you come, but BEFORE you idiots (I'm trying to refrain from using the word BABI) come in and perform the checks ALREADY.

What a bunch of I-D-I-O-T-S.

Such is life.

Don't you just hate it when you get all the inspiration in one day to write a post, but when you get back, everything just disappears? Or because you're so exhausted from a day's work, and you just can't find time to write about it, and so whatever you wanted to write about just evaporates from your fried mind instantly?

Such is life.

Anyway. I was going to a far far far far place to have seafood for dinner. Throughout the journey, I had to be bored to death listening to alien Chinese songs on the radio which I definitely had no absolute control over. (Such is life.) Thinking about other things wasn't an option as well, as it will leave me stranded rock bottom again. So I decided to just start chatting over mobile text with a friend. And listening to those few grown ups talking about almost everything under the sun - and gossiping.

Nice and refreshing after a long ride on a boring highway

So, after dinner, it was time to walk along the 'shore' of the... delta? Had no idea which part of that town we were in. All I know I saw many ships, private jets, yachts, water, and land over the other side. (Very helpful.)

Like many other places in Malaysia, it just so happens that they decided to not switch on streetlamps yesterday night. So, I had to resort to using the largely unreliable flash on my phone camera. I zoomed in to take some nice lights in the distance on some water vehicles, and this is what I got:

Not bad for some unreliable camera phone, right?

Then, on the other end of the river (ah, maybe it IS a river), more nice lights were seen. Now, with my 'twilight landscape' mode on, I decided to play around with the lights. You know how slow the phone is when you switch that mode on right? I was trying to get LINES of light, but this is what I got:

In order of photo-taking. After so much movements, not much difference.

I gave up after that last shot.

Then, I took the picture of a pillar with the "shore's" initials, with my "reliable" flash:

This has ought to give away where I was.

The person who guessed where I was right, then he or she shall win... My deepest, heart-felt THANKS.

Such is life.

A new beginning, a new dawn

I woke up with my left foot on the wrong side of the bed. (Note: The only way to get out of my bed is my right side.)

But I overcame my problems, and I felt so much better after a while later. I'm am forever grateful for fate that I'm studying music in a little place called UCSI.

As I walked away from the my study building, I realised I tooked the wrong turn, and I was forced to take the uphill steep road back to my comfortable homely car (more like an economical route that I calculated in my head). Upon reaching the top, this was what I saw:



I never felt so alive. It was, yes, disappointing to be seeing things like that, and in your head, you'd be thinking like, "Why is our school situated next to a pile of rocks, and not beautiful green hills and lovely sunset skies?"

But my point is... At that moment, as I inhaled a breath of hilltop air, I felt so relieved. It felt as though it was a sunrise, instead of a sunset.

... Words simply just can't describe the feeling I had (or in other words, I'm having a slight vocab-block).

I want to start a new life. I want to be someone I used to be. Someone who was strong, focused, and alert. I want to free myself from all the miseries I've had, all the pain I've been inflicted on, and all the damn spams in my inbox... BEGONE!

The end of the beginning

It's the end of my first semester, and I have already tired myself out, immensely.


This was the feeling I've been looking for, since I came back. It felt as though I never felt tired, I never used up my full energy within, and haven't fully utilised my mind power at all.

Now that I've found it, thank goodness I'm still in one piece, considering all the things I've gone through lately, all the things that are happening around me, all the things that I have to think about - it's just tiring and exhausting.

(It's also funny how I can contradict myself in just one sentence. LOL.)

Now it's time for me to look for a job. Come on, two months of idleness? No thank you.

Piracy (of the DVD-sorts)

I was strolling down the Saturday night market near my house, and I saw something that amazed me...

Let's be honest. We, as Malaysians, are accustomed to see lots of pirated DVD stalls being set up in night markets, even though they are not supposed to be operating under the law. But all of us need to make a living, right? It's still business.

Back to my point: not only do they sell movies that are not even on screen in Malaysia; of course, there's the usual type where only MEN will browse through.

Yes, you got it. It's Pornography.

And it's usually the old uncles whom you'll see there, searching through every single title available, checking whether any of them would suit their taste.

It is refreshing to see a handsome, young lad today instead in one of the stalls.

COOL HUH???? Wouldn't know whether I should call it my lucky day. =P

In the realms of broken dreams and empty promises

Imagine yourself in a situation where you just know that everything that happened are lies, all which seemed so surreal at first, and you realised that everything you once knew and wanted, are all smashed into bits and pieces.



Dreams being popped by harsh words, fiendish actions, and cruel intentions: just feels the same.

Nothing else makes the heart bleed more than these.

Depressing, ain't it?

Naked

I found myself awake in the middle of the street of a ghost town, naked, stripped down and bare.

I stood up, wondering where this place is...

I walked down, not caring anymore. Exposed.

I looked up the sky, feeling tiny drops of rain on my head and bare skin.

I fooled around with the raindrops on the palms of my hands, until the rain got heavier and drenched myself wet.

I stayed there, wondering when the rain will stop...

A day to remember

My dream has finally materialised...

To try out the (not so) newly opened dessert shop in Pavilion: MOF @ Japanese Sweets.

I know. But it's been a while since I wanted to try out that place, in addition to so many (fake) desserts out on display... So tempting!!

Not to forget, they're serving my favourite Japanese red beans... <3

(pictures uploading soon)

While driving back home,
I saw the moon
at a beautiful half crescent.
It reminded me of your smile,
and you were smiling at me
throughout my journey
Protecting, reassuring

Untitled

I hate myself for thinking what I have never dreamt of thinking, nor even thought I would do.

Never have I imagined myself in this state of mind, and never have I wanted to be standing right here where I am standing right now.

I truly hate myself.



Where are you when I needed you the most?

How it feels to be at home

Argh.

I felt so freakin' bored at home today. Didn't go anywhere. I thought, "Why not just stay at home for the whole day today, since I've been going out the last few days? Rest at home, and recharge!"

Turned out to be really bad. Felt as tho I was being crushed under a huge pile of rocks.

GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!

Argh.

And to be missing someone and not being able to see that person: just sucks - very badly.

It's like hitting rock bottom, falling into a bottomless pit, hit by a truck: all rolled up in one.