Would I describe today like a scene where a couple decides to break up, and the worst thing is, it's the guy who is being dumped, not the girl? In addition to that, it coincidentally rains heavily after held hands are broken, and the girl walks in the other direction, leaving the guy upset with anger and pain. Well, I feel it that way.

No one cares. That is reality. I have to say, I'm not in reality. I hate being in the real world. Nobody cares. Like I said, who would like to live in a world where it is filled with hate and greed? Nobody cares.

Friends treat you like dirt, when all that matters to me are them. I've been in so many undesirable situations when I was made to be so disappointed, and the worst thing is, they're all the people that I care about and value so much. I don't see why they just don't notice this at all. I know, I shouldn't take things too seriously. I should kiss and make up, and forget about it all. I don't keep things to heart, and so, if I'm not happy, I'll forget about it soon, which is something that I learnt from my family.

I just don't get it. Are the inhabitants of this puny planet that ignorant after so many years of advancements of technology? Or is this my fate? A fate which I am destined to not have friends and to live alone throughout my life? No one that I can share my love with, that I must live a bachelor till my death? The thought of this just makes me want to kill myself.

I love the company of people, just anyone. The indecisiveness in me just contradicts everything. Well, I do like it when I'm with friends, but I don't like it in a big group. I feel really suffocated. Consequently, I'll be left out in most of the conversations. Maybe that's because I like to be the centre of attraction, but I don't want too much of it. Just typing that just makes me wanna puke. How can I be saying such things? I should be strong in my sentences. I'm so weak.

I don't personally like people who, like what one of my friend told me once, "puts on a mask whenever you are around them". I didn't really understand what my friend meant by that, practically, but now it became perfectly clear that friends all around me were all like this.

I don't mean to harm anybody's feelings, but I'm being honest here. Well, I was tempted to be 'honest' with one of my friends here in Uni, so now I'm being honest. For all I know, truth hurts. It sucks so badly to be me. What have I gotta do to get some love 'ere?

Believe it or not, I was blurry eyed when I was being told off by my friend this evening. For many reasons. I don't want to list them all out here. I know my post is getting really boring. But anyway, who would even bother? Nobody leaves comments here. Nobody even bothers to read my blog. So what's the point of not writing it all out?? But it's cuz I've been "bitten once (, twice shy)".

Cheers to the cruel world that I'm living on now, and to all the people to don't care. Have a f***ing nice day.

The dawn of all things...

The sun is rising.. After a dark quiet night, when everything is resting, and the only things you hear are the sounds of crickets, the hooting of an owl, the sudden cry of a young innocent child. The quietness increases its silence when the night gets older. But the sun is rising. The only time when everything wakes up. The silence is finally broken. A new day is awakening. The sun is beginning to shine again...

I get to go back! Woo-hoo!! How good can things get?? After all the things I've gone through in just within 3 months, everything is starting to get better: my studies, my social life, and this.. I admit I really miss going back home, where the first person I see is my mother, or maybe my relatives or family. I've realised how important my family is, how much I value them to my other priorities in life. I can't wait to go back.
Well, as you can see, I'm happy today. Even though I skipped a 2-hour lecture this morning, I don't really care.

The past 3 days, I've been spending time with Wen Ching in Stratford. By far, those 3 days were the best 3 days since I've come to England. Her housemates were so welcoming, the house was so cosy, and the bed was so comfortable! (Don't mind me.. haha)

After my test on Friday (ended at 4pm), I packed my bag, and met up with her straight. She was in the Music Centre then. My packing took quite a while, and her bus leaves at 4.30pm, so not long, we ran to the shuttle bus. (I had to do this cuz it won't cost me anything to travel there. hehe..) It didn't take a very long time to get there. On that night itself, her housemate, a guy from HK who's a really good cook in the 'family', made a really nice dinner. I complimented his food, it seriously was good! Later on, at about 11pm, we were in his room, drinking an Australian red wine (which tasted really bitter, not nice at all), and then some lemon flavoured vodka. We had snacks, like Thai Chilli flavoured chips that I got in Morrisons (we went there before we went home) before I set into their household. We had chats till about 1+am. I jumped into bed, and fell asleep in an instant. (Wen Ching told me I was snoring that night.. Haha! Guess I was too tired on that night... hehe)

On Saturday, we woke up at about 11am. The day was for Ching and I to go shopping around the town. For such a small town, the shopping experience is already enough for me. I got (finally) a pair of really simple (but nice) boots from Clarks. Damn are they comfortable (but for a high price after conversion)! Considering the many uses of these boots, I think they're really worth it. And on this day, I was trying to find stuff that I can bring back home, but I ended up getting chocolates and biscuits instead. The things there were too expensive. I thought to myself that I should get souveniers next time I get back instead of this time. Touching on food, we had lunch at McD. Ching knew someone who is working there, and she offered us to order something that needs to be made (so that it needs to be paid) and gave us stuff that was on show for free. OMG... We had 2 burgers, one 4-piece nuggets, 2 fries, one hot chocolate and a sandwich (costs 2.99) for just RM 21!! That was SO worth it! Haha...!! For dinner, we cooked noodles at home, but it was just alright... Ching didn't know how to make proper ones... Haha! (kidding!)

On Sunday, I had lunch at a Chinese restaurant. The waitress is SO LCLY. She's a Chinese, and after we spoke to her in cantonese, she still spoke to us in a (fake) British accent, which disgusted me so much. The food wasn't that nice AT ALL, but at least we had a chance to eat some tofu (which can't be found here, and even if you can, it costs a bomb). Oh well. Then we went to Starbucks to get ourselves a nice cup of hot chocolate and some goodies to eat (and they were really good too!). After paying for it, we had to leave straight to the train station. The train was already waiting there till it departs at 4pm. At that very instant, I didn't want to leave, because I had so much fun, and it felt to comfortable living in that house, and all her housemates treated me so well, like a well-honoured guest. I appreciated all the things they did for me those few days.

Tales from foreign lands

Have you ever had that feeling that when you're somewhere away from home, at first, it gives you that sudden rush of adrenaline, so eager to explore this fascinating place, some time later, you'd feel as though you're so far from home after a bit of exploring, and everything just seems to stop, just like scenes from music videos or movies, that you just stand there and everything that evolves around you seems blurred terribly??

I'm not unhappy. Just that this place is starting to feel estranged to me, for some reason. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's the fact that I don't really have many close friends (I'm not that good in socialising). Maybe it's because I'm alone in the room, and this had been for 2 days. Maybe it's the assignment that I'm on now, which makes no sense to me, which is making me feel dumb here.

Yesterday, we're supposed to go out for a fireworks display with some of my friends. I was really disappointed at myself for not going, because I turned them down on the last minute, as I was lazy and wasn't in the mood of going anywhere this weekend. So instead, I locked myself out from the whole world, and stayed in my room. I'm so foolish. I should have gone. During the time when I was in my room the whole of last night, my mind rushed through memories and scenes of my homeland, which made me so homesick that I had the urge to go back at that very instant. I was glad my best friend called me to talk for about 2+ hours. Thank God for telecommunications, and a good thing called 'stop-the-clock'.

I'm supposed to go over to my best friend's place today. I deeply regret that I didn't go. I woke up late, missing the first bus that came over to the university. I really needed some time off, just to put myself together again, to find my normal self again. It's already about 1pm now, and it's impossible to go now, cuz I personally don't like to spend so much on the fares, and come back so soon without spending more time at that destination. Furthurmore, I didn't like the fact that I'm gonna be going there by myself. This isn't me. I used to do things myself in Malaysia, why not here? This doesn't sound like me.

Well, maybe it's because I'm in a foreign land now. I am a foreigner now. Not a local anymore. I want to go back so badly now. But I want to grow up at the same time. I don't wanna rely on my family all the time. I'm a youth already. Not a baby, child or a teen. I miss those days.

Hope everything will shine brightly later. I'm still in the midst of a really dark tunnel. I need to run to the other end as soon as possible. Then, I'd be free...